


DRIFTING FROM UTOPIA

by starry_1117



Category: ATEEZ (Band)
Genre: Complete, Depression, Emotional Hurt, M/M, Major Character Injury, Short, Short One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-02
Updated: 2020-08-02
Packaged: 2021-03-05 23:00:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 3,818
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25663258
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starry_1117/pseuds/starry_1117
Summary: ❝as if i was dreaming within my own dream, it all faded away.❞a story about how an unfortunate event leads to another.© starry_1117 | 2020[lowercased intended]
Kudos: 7





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> hey guys!
> 
> just wanting to let you guys know beforehand that this is the piece i wrote for the ATEEZ ZERO: FEVER Part. 1 Story Telling event.
> 
> unfortunately, i did not make it to the first round (heart been broke so many times i don't know what to believe~), so i decided to post it here because it would be a waste if i didn't; i put a lot of effort into writing this story.
> 
> i hope you enjoy :)

**f e a r**

**☆彡**

"ten minute break!"

hearing those words from their dance instructor, the members of ateez wiped their faces with their sweaty shirts as they approached their belongings that were leaning against a wall. everyone grabbed their water bottles and took huge gulps of water, sighs of content leaving their lips once they finished drinking. the refreshing sensation of cold water traveling down their throats brought a smile to their faces.

yet for some reason, their thirst had not been quenched.

san volunteered himself to go to the fridge and grab each member a can of coke since he was feeling generous to do so today. knowing that he could not hold all eight cans in his hand, seonghwa decided to help him with this task.

the remaining males dispersed from one another to do their own thing when the pair left the room: jongho scrolling through his phone, mingi having a casual conversation with the staff, wooyoung and yeosang talking to one another, and hongjoong practicing his lines of a song.

yunho faced the mirror, watching every move he executed, as he rehearsed the dance his group's teacher had taught them a while ago. never once did his eyes drift away from his figure, making sure even the slightest movement of his body was perfect. every time he made a mistake, he would repeat the dance move until he mastered it before starting from the beginning.

feeling his energy being drained away, he took a few seconds to pick up his phone from the floor and check for any new notifications. he skimmed through his apps as his breathing slowed down.

then, someone texted him and he immediately pressed on the message banner.

the moment the tall male lost balance, the ground suddenly rose. the space twisted like a scene from 'inception.' at that moment, a hand was pressed against his back. he tightened his legs and core muscles and stood up.

"are you okay?" mingi asks, keeping his hand on his friend's back. "don't scare us like-"

ignoring his concern, yunho grabbed his jacket that was on a chair and bursted through the door. he shoved his arms through the sleeves of his jacket while panic spread through his body, his eyes frantically searching for the exit of the building.

he could hear the members and the staff shouting his name as he forcefully opened the door that would lead him outside.

before anyone could stop him, he sprinted toward the direction where his destination lies. his heart pounded against his chest and his legs throbbed in pain while everything around him became blurry.

when he stops at an intersection, he impatiently taps his foot until the crosswalk was safe to walk through. glancing at his phone, he sent a message to san, telling him that he would be arriving soon, before he resumed his run to the hospital.

his mind is unclear as his breath quickens at every step he took.

_it started with you, but it's also my dream._

_but without my brother, there's no meaning to this dream._

_what am i supposed to do if you disappear?_


	2. Chapter 2

**m e l a n c h o l y**

**☆彡**

yeosang stood in front of a wall of the empty practice room.

as always, he was working on his gestures with himself in the mirror.

he attempted to crack a joke, blast his favorite songs, do a funny dance- anything to make him show some kind of emotion.

yet his expressionless face didn't budge a muscle.

it had been weeks...

weeks since seonghwa went unconscious.

memories of that night flash before his eyes: the call from san and yunho, the rush to the hospital, the news that the doctor told the members when they arrived, the breakdown everyone had when they were notified of seonghwa's condition.

ever since that day, never once had he displayed any expression. whether he was happy, sad, or angry, he always had a blank face no matter what he was feeling.

giving up on his facial gestures, he grabbed his denim jacket that was lying on his bed and headed outside to clear his mind.

with his hands in his pants' pockets, his feet took him to a quiet park where no one was roaming. the light poles brighten the darkness of the atmosphere as the trees fill the silence with their light sways.

although being in a peaceful environment, his mind was busy with memories.

memories he shared with seonghwa.

and fantasized memories he would create with seonghwa.

ateez wasn't ateez without seonghwa.

nothing was the same anymore without seonghwa.

yeosang looked up to the sky, where the moon was hanging high in the blanket of darkness. he could not see the sparkling dots that he used to notice whenever he exited his company's building.

_adults said, "look up at the stars in the night sky."_

_but, the stars did not shine in the night sky that i was looking at and i continued to walk looking down on the ground._


	3. Chapter 3

**c o w a r d n e s s**

**☆彡**

as a human being, san has experienced ups and downs throughout his life.

but for some reason, all he has been experiencing were downs.

he could never find himself to enjoy dancing or singing whenever he was rehearsing with the members. he could never find himself to smile whenever something exciting happened.

ever since that incident, he could never find himself...

to be himself.

scenes of that day continuously played in his mind as his eyes stared at the ceiling throughout the night. tears dripped from his face when he heard the car crash into his friend's body and the scream that left his mouth. the sound of sirens still rang loudly in his ear, haunting him during his sleep.

when the doctor told the group that seonghwa may never wake up, he has never seen his members so emotional.

the tears, the wails, the sadness from those he loved the most.

all because of him.

it was all his fault.

if he was paying attention when they were crossing the street, none of this would have happened.

if he didn't suggest sneaking out to get the soda for his members, none of this would have happened.

if he convinced seonghwa to stay with the rest of the members, none of this would have happened.

if he didn't go to get the drinks that day, none of this would have happened.

so, he decided to do what was best for the group.

looking to see if mingi was awake or not, san began packing his necessities into a backpack before changing into a comfortable outfit. after he was done, he scribbled on a piece of paper and placed it neatly on the desk between their beds before quietly leaving the dormitory.

entering the empty streets of the city, he drifted a few blocks away from the building so no one would notice him. he stretched out his arm in front of him and put his thumb up for any vehicle to spot.

fortunately, a truck full of boxes was cruising by and saw the male. the driver stopped for a few seconds for san to enter the vehicle, asking for his destination.

"anywhere that's far from here," the passenger mumbles, stifling the tears from escaping.

the person glanced at him before continuing their journey. "i understand the feeling. i'm moving away from the city because it brings back bad memories."

bad memories.

that triggered a rewind of that night in San's mind.

to fill the silence between them, the driver turned on the radio and a familiar song began playing.

"utopia" by ateez: a song about reaching their dreams.

the dreams that were now unreachable because of his mistakes.

**because of him.**

he watched the road before him as the sun was rising up. the darkness of the night soon was replaced by the brightness of the sun, morning finally arriving.

he really wanted to be the ending fairy.

and today happened to be the day where he would be the ending fairy after the next stunt he pulled.

_san was sick of his life with so many changes._

_when the moving truck stopped, he ran out of the car._


	4. Chapter 4

**h o p e l e s s n e s s**

**☆彡**

mingi could not get himself to look at the mirror.

not after what happened this morning.

he recalled the time when his alarm awakened him from his slumber, causing him to snuggle into his blanket. he called out to his roommate to turn off the clock since he was too lazy to do so himself.

but the alarm continued to resonate throughout the quiet room.

he called out to san once more, assuming that he did not hear his request.

still no response.

the sleepy male slowly arises from his bed and quiets the machine himself before noticing a note on the desk. his hands picked up and his eyes read the message written on the paper.

he fell onto his knees and tears flowed down his cheeks.

his sobs then woke up the remaining members and they all rushed to his room, seeing the male's fragile state. jongho was the first to approach the tall male with his hand out to grab the note that was on the floor.

first, seonghwa. now, san.

mingi simply stood in his place as he took in a shaky breath, his figure still trembling from the shock of the discovery. he subconsciously looked behind him to spot a speaker and a chair, the area where he would practice in his own time.

music was his joy in life, yet he had no motivation to rap or dance.

perfectly thought out timing, accurate amount of wrist power, thousands of practices. but why? the mic will still slip from his hand despite the amount of time he invested in it.

just like his dreams.

he turned his head away from the back and proceeded to exit the room.

he was not going to be able to sleep tonight.

_living without dreaming is a normal thing for a guy like me._

_dreams are too lavish to the poor._


	5. Chapter 5

**d e n i a l**

**☆彡**

wooyoung stared at his reflection.

he wanted to kick something, to jab something.

but he knew that it won't help make the situation any better.

he wipes his sweat with the towel in his hand before tossing in onto a chair nearby. his deep breaths resonated in the silence of the room as he bit his bottom lip.

his heart ached whenever he recalled the pained, gloomy expression his members wore throughout the day. no one speaks, no one smiles...

no one is feeling happy.

these were the people who always brightened his day, who always never left him alone, who always brought joy to his life.

these were the people who were his life-long friends.

yet everyone was slowly drifting apart.

why did seonghwa get hit by a car?

why did yeosang stop smiling?

why did san disappear without a trace?

why did mingi stop writing music?

**why did all of this happen to them?**

this is not what he signed up for.

he sacrificed his childhood to achieve his dreams.he expected to spend the majority of his life and share his ideal goals with seven amazing people. he thought they would accomplish so many things through their passion for music.

yet, it feels like he is losing his friends and his path to utopia in this troubled mist.

although he could not accept it himself, he knew that nothing would return to normal.

_i gave up on the easy way out to be with my friends._

_but we're wrong._

_i'm only going to think about one thing now._


	6. Chapter 6

**a s t r a y**

**☆彡**

a basketball tumbled to the floor.

jongho picked up the ball and shot it into the hoop, only to miss the shot once again.

exhausted from the numerous attempts of scoring, he decided to take a seat on the bench and took a few minutes to immerse himself in his troubled thoughts. the gentle breeze fiddles with his hair as the sound of the leaves rustling against one another resonated in the quietness. the sun slowly setted from afar, painting the sky with orange and gold.

as the youngest member, what can he do to make things better?

he had never felt so lost before.

to witness his older members slowly breaking down, it hurt him knowing that he doesn't know what to do in this situation.

this wasn't reaching a high note in a song, or perfecting a dance.

this was something foreign to him; he couldn't get a grasp of it.

frustratedly ruffling his hair, jongho stood up from his seat to shoot some more hoops to distract himself from these thoughts until he heard footsteps nearby. his head instinctively turned to the direction of the noise and his eyes locked onto a person decked in all black with a mask and a cap concealing their identity. his hands managed to get a hold of a basketball before lifting it in the air, preparing to chuck it at the presumed stalker.

"hey you!" he shouted, catching their attention. "who are you and what are you doing he-"

before he could finish his question, they made eye contact and the orange ball tumbled to the ground.

the both of them stood there, frozen in shock, when they recognized each other. the feeling of joy was building within the redheaded male as he slowly took his first step towards the person, causing the other to step back.

for once, a name he longed to say rolled off the boy's mouth.

"san?"

and immediately after hearing the name, the person fled from the area. jongho quickly exited the basketball court and trailed behind them, his breath quickening with each step he took. with his hand outstretched in front of him, the young male tried to close the gap between them while running through the trees.

"san!" he shouts. "san, why are you running?!?"

they didn't respond and continued running as if their life depended on it.

"san! wait!"

his fingers touched the hem of their shirt and almost got a tight grasp on them until they suddenly swerved to the left. not being able to adapt to the change of direction in time, jongho stumbled over his foot and the person successfully escaped deeper into the forest.

when he got up from the floor, he could no longer spot their figure. the sun was close to disappearing, the darkness was slowly settling into the world, and he was lost since he was blindly following their path.

he was so confident. he wanted to nail it today but.. his throat didn't help him.

feeling the sensation of defeat wash over him, the male fell onto his knees and tears began to drip down his face.

_i was too young to reach out to my lost friend._

_where am i now, where should i go?_


	7. Chapter 7

**n o s t a l g i a**

**☆彡**

the sound of fans cheering in the crowd filled seonghwa's ears as his chest heaved up and down. he could feel the people from behind him hold his hands and line up beside him. on his lips was a smile and the feeling of content gurgled underneath his skin.

 _who are these people?_ he asked himself as he observed his surroundings. _where am i? why am i here?_

confetti flew into the air and everyone was bidding goodbye to one another as those in the crowd exited the stadium. subconsciously, he brought a microphone close to his mouth and shouted a message for the fans to hear.

"i will miss you-"

for some reason, nothing came out of his mouth when he said the last word even though he felt the familiar vibration of his throat. he tried to say it again, but he heard nothing.

nonetheless, everyone on the stage huddled together with beaming grins once the crowd disappeared from the arena. unfamiliar faces and voices surrounded him as the seven males congratulated one another on completing the concert. the confused male simply nodded his head and said short compliments, acting along with this situation.

when he took in a deep breath, his nose took in the pleasant scent of the empty stadium.

it was refreshing.

he could imagine the enjoyment the people had while sitting in their seats, waving their lightsticks in the beat of the music. the laughs and the smiles they shared throughout the night was something he would never forget.

he was glad that he made _her_ happy.

as he was walking off the stage, something got caught onto his clothing. he tried to move his hand, but it would not budge despite how rough he was yanking it. looking down to his pants, he spotted the accessory that got stuck.

a chained bracelet.

he took a minute to appreciate the beauty of the jewelry before removing it from his clothes. he brought his arm to the light to take a better look at it, subconsciously feeling the sensation of significance flowing through his body.

it must be something important to him.

after noticing the bracelet, he felt something harshly bash his head. he could hear someone gasping in shock and loud footsteps approaching him as his eyesight grew dimmer. arms caught his body and laid him onto the floor, making him look directly into the light.

"seonghwa, are you okay?!?"

"hey seonghwa, talk to us!"

"seonghwa, how many fingers am I holding up?!?"

was that his name? seonghwa?

no longer able to stay conscious, his eyelids slowly closed shut and he was immersed into darkness. he could feel himself floating in the pitch black while he looked around, reminding him of the first time he appeared in this space.

a vision played in front of him where a blinding light overcame his sight and a loud noise screamed in his ears. someone nearby was shouting his name over and over while a pair of arms held him. the blaring sound approached them and more shouting joined together.

what happened that time?

was he lingering here because of what happened?

he wanted to know.

suddenly, his ear twitched when he heard a soft whisper.

_"open your eyes."_

he gasps as if he was holding his breath and the dark was then consumed by the purple sky and gold sun, filtering the colors of the world. he was leaning against a fence with the gentle breeze played with his hair as he watched the scenery before him.

feeling something inside his jacket's pocket, seonghwa reached into the small area of his orange clothing and pulled out a metallic object. his eyes recognized the item as he looked at it at different angles.

it was the same bracelet he wore in the stadium.

and then a familiar smell filled his nose.

 _she_ was here; he could feel it deep down his heart, deep down his soul.

what was _her_ name?

_a... ti...n-_

before he could remember, everything started to disappear from his sight once again, the blackness of space overcoming the vivid colors of the sky and his surroundings.

_everyone left, but only her scent remains._

_no name or address to be known._

_as if i was dreaming within my own dream, it all faded away._


	8. Chapter 8

**d e s i r e**

**☆彡** ****

hongjoong sighed and placed his pencil onto the table.

it was late at night, and he still hadn't written a single word for a song.

as the leader of his group, he takes all responsibility for his members. he is the one who takes care of them and motivates the group despite all the hardships they have been experiencing.

but never once had he felt himself crack under pressure until now.

one member was unconscious.

another member had disappeared.

and everyone else lost motivation to do anything except mourn.

they had joined together for many years to achieve their dreams; however, it seemed like they were drifting further away from them.

it was frustrating knowing that he had no power over the situation.

yet, he was still trying to fix everything.

the male leaned against the couch and faced the ceiling, feeling exhaustion washing over his body. his chest went up and down steadily as his mind drifted into the darkness, his eyes blinking slowly.

he wished he could change everything...

no.

he _desired_ he could change everything, turn back time if it was possible.

with only this thought in mind, he allowed himself to enter deep slumber so he could have enough energy for tomorrow. the pitch blackness was somehow comforting to him, the emptiness soothing him in a peculiar manner.

he was all by himself with nothing to worry about.

but then, he felt a presence behind him and instinctively turned around to face the towering figure before him.

a man in a black fedora.

and behind him were people in back, people in western clothing, people in pirate attire, and...

a floating ship.

where was he?

the blue-haired male observed his surroundings to spot an exit from this unique place, slightly scared since he had no clue where he was.

yet this was a thrilling moment. maybe too much?

there were so many dreams here, he could feel his heart awaken and live alive.

 _"it's not the reality that makes you lose your dream; it is your decision,"_ the stranger said, catching the attention of the amazed boy.

steadily, he repeated what the man had said in his mind.

_it's not the reality that makes you lose your dream; it is your decision._

the desire to change grew within hongjoong.

he wanted to persuade his members to continue holding onto their dreams.

he wanted to prevent this series of events from happening.

if he had the power to...

**he wanted to travel to the past to stop everything.**

this was his burning desire.

although the stranger was wearing a mask, there was a smile pulling on his lips when he sensed something new in the atmosphere. the feeling of exhilaration flowed through his body and he trembled with excitement.

he was awaiting for this moment, the moment where someone desired something so much that they would do anything to obtain.

and he was here to grant that.

placing his hand on the boy's shoulder, he was able to bring hongjoong back to his senses.

_the man in the black fedora said, "there are countless dimensions in the world."_

_when i opened my eyes, it was a dream._

_next to me was an hourglass i saw for the first time, and the sand in the hourglass began to flow back from the bottom._


End file.
